The Worst Article Ever Written

Hi. My name is Karen. Im writing this article to imrove my serp. Whats a serp? I mean my seo guy Dave told ,e to write an article. He said that then all these zines and websites would grab it then Id have lots of lnks for my site then when people looked for my site then theyd find it. So I said, What kind of cologne are you wearing? so he says, Obsession by Calvin klein. Im like, Hes Jewish right? Hes like, I cant be sure. So Im like, Is that a bowling ball in your turban with a stick of dynamite coming out of the finger hole or are you just happy to see me? so hes like, well, my doctor told me to take these pills for my impotence and now Im blind. Im like, is that a cane in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Hes like, Maybe you should hire someone to write your articles for you. Im like, Are you insulting me or are you just happy to see me? Hes like, Well do you want to do it? Im like sure now here on the couch or in the refrigerator. Hes like, Well I wouldnt mind joining the minus 32 celsius club but Im not sure if these pills work in the cold weather.

So now were in the vegetable drawer of my fridge and were like doing it. Hes like maybe we should have come in the back door. Im like Im not really into that. So I say what do you think I should write about. Hes like well you have to be sure not to spam your keywords or stuff them because they just removed bmw from the searches for cheating. So Im like well isnt writing articles when you have no other reason to write them but to improve your search resultes cheating? And hes like do you have any canola oil? Im like what do you need canola oil for? He;s like well I hear it improves your anking. So I say yeah but I need to get out of the vegetable drawer for a second could you take it out pleae. Hes like no problem.

So I hire tim to write my article for me. I own a small flower shop on the lower east side. Tim writes this fabulous article about a man eating plant and my page ranking goes up to 9 and like Ive got 8,000 women a day running into my shop wanting to buy this man eating plant to get rid of their husbands. They took out these huge insurance policies on their husbands who made them sign these prenups and now they will pay anything for these plants. So I say you have to feed them corned beef every Friday at 7.30. they say am or pm? Im like completely pmsed out by this time and my midol jusr an out and I have to run next door to the health food store to buy some red raspberry leaf capsules for the cramps. So I say to Stella my assistant, Stella could you watch the store for a minute. So shes like sure Karen but then later I find out that Stella and Dave and Tim were all in a conspiracy against me and then they shot me and now Im dead. I really enjoyed my funeral though. I found out that you really dont die you just hang around for awhile and speak to psychics.